


Finding The Way Back: Silicon Valley.

by neonnleon



Category: Jarrich - Fandom, Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: Depression, Heartbreak, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Religious Conflict
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:07:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28442157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neonnleon/pseuds/neonnleon
Summary: Starting at the point in s6e3 where Jared is upset with Richard, and cold to him. A fanfiction about Jared trying to desperately find his way back to Richard, while Richard tries to figure out his own feelings, and sparks old flames.[Gavin x Jared is used in past tense, and Nelson x Richard is not a permanent relationship throughout the story.]
Relationships: Gavin Belson/Jared Dunn, Jared Dunn/Richard Hendricks, Nelson Bighetti/Richard Hendricks
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	1. I'm Still Upset.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Welcome to my first Silicon Valley fic. Hope it suffices. <3

**[ In the POV of Jared Dunn. ]**

"I guess.. I don't know. I just- I miss you man." Richard said, with a sad look in his eyes. He had just purchased Hooli, though, so why would he be upset?

> _Because you were still mad at him._

I had a stone cold face, sunglasses on. I was still incredibly upset with Richard, the things he said about Gwart.. Unspeakable.

"Whatever, I don't care." I said plainly, frowning. I could feel myself crying, and knew Richard could see it too. 

Richard smiled and left the room, leaving me there to contemplate. I thought I put these feelings behind me? I mean- I got so angry at him I.. I snapped towards him. And he would just- just let me back? What a kind man.. truly. 

I headed home, to the incubator now held by Jin Yang, to tell Gwart this wonderful news. I suppose it was more wonderful for me than it would be for her but... something kept crossing my mind. I told myself deep down I couldn't attach myself to Richard like this again. When I first met Monica at TechDisrupt I got so angry.. so.. something. That she was caring for Richard and I wasn't. Maybe I just.. want to be able to care for someone again. Like I used to care for Gavin Belson. 

* * *

**[ Richard Hendrick's POV ]**

"Whatever, I don't care." Jared says, as a tear falls down his face. I can't help but smile at him and walk away. I can't help but feel horrible still, I said all those bad things about Gwart, the one person he seemed to care the most about. I wonder if he is excited to come back- I mean after all _I_ was the one that pushed him away. But, somehow pushing him away felt right. When I came back from Congress.. I yearned to see Jared. So much so, I felt the need to push him away. But, that just made him leave. It seems though I have to stay close to him, we are the "boys" after all, right?

Monica and I made our way to Hooli, and walked into Gavin Belson's office, just to find a colossal mess upon the floor. 

"Yeah, he does this a lot." I say to Monica, as she nods and looks around. She starts to mumble on about the speech I have to make to the Hooli employees, which I half-listen to because I'm stuck in a circle of thoughts as I walk around the office. I see bits and pieces of things everywhere, but I saw something that particularly caught my eye. There were some drawers scattered around, so I curiously walked over to them, kneeling down and getting a piece of paper out from it. I was a bit,, shocked at it's containments. 

> Gavin, remember our date tonight?- Jared <3

I felt like throwing up, my world spinning around me. Gavin Belson, and.. Jared?

"Richard? HEY! Richard- what did you fi-" Monica was cut off.

"FUCK!".

* * *


	2. Burning The Flames.

"Jared?!" Dinesh said to me, in a shocking manner.

"Yeah, Jared and Gavin! Can you believe it?!" I was pulling my own hair out, pacing around the office. 

"Well.. no, but also kind of? I mean Belson is a very shady guy, but maybe he did what he had to, just to keep Jared around?" Gilfoyle inputted, while Monica looked very confused.

"Well- guys? Isn't this like, an invasion of Jared's privacy?" Monica stated, staring at the floor.

"Yeah, but did none of us _not_ expect him to be a homosexual?" Dinesh chimed in.

"He could potentially be bisexual too, you know." I say, my head spinning with thoughts.

"Bisexual is a term used by people who want an excuse to get pussy and dick." Gilfoyle snickered and walked out.

Dinesh rolled his eyes and followed him, once again leaving me alone with Monica.

"Why is this such a big deal to you, Richard? I mean, obviously they aren't involved anymore at all, so what's up?" Monica folds her arms, sighing.

Suddenly, I felt too many thoughts click together, like everything was spinning and burning and crashing down.

"I might be gay."

* * *

{ Jared's Pov }

While I was sitting there talking to Gwart, I suddenly felt my phone start to explode, numerous texts from Monica, some from Gilfoyle, and a bunch from Dinesh. My phone started to ring, it was Dinesh. 

"Hello?" I sign to Gwart it's a call, and exit the main room. 

"You and Gavin Belson?! Who would've thought Jared?" Dinesh laughs.

"Me and- what? How did you.. Who told you?" I started to shake with anxiety, nothing prepared me for this event. 

"Yeah... well we had the Hooli buyout thanks to you, sooo... Richard and Monica were searching through Belson's tattered office, and he found that. He's been focusing really deeply on it ever since." I could hear Dinesh sigh, and I felt the world start to crumble around me, so I ran straight towards the bathroom to vomit.

"Okay- that's _disgusting_ Jared, but seriously. What are you gonna do?" Dinesh sounds impatient.

But to be quite honest, _what_ was I gonna do?

I quickly tell Dinesh I have to go and throw the phone down. No one was supposed to know, I know that it- it would come out, but not like this. Not to Richard. 

* * *

Hooli, 2014. 

"Jared! Come, come for a second." Gavin Belson spoke to me in a lovely tone, it kept me on a string with him.

"I'll be right there sir!" I respond in glee, as I bought a nice blue shirt just for him. 

I open the door to see him standing next to a woman, who wasn't his assistant, Patrice. 

"Isn't she lovely, Jared? Go on, introduce yourself." Gavin smiled in a way that made me feel sick. But, I introduced myself anyway, to be nice.

"Hello, nice to meet you, Jared Dunn.", we shook hands as she smiled, she had wonderful teeth.

"Well, Hello. I'm Jessica, nice to meet ya!", she giggled as Belson waved her off, and we were alone again.

"Well.. Gavin I bought this shirt just for you.. do you like it?" I smiled and blushed, hoping maybe I could win him over, again.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever, it's "nice enough" for me. Hm.. Jared?" I still had hope in me, I would try again, over and over, to win back Gavin Belson, because truly, growing up I had no one, and I taught myself many things, but he was my safe harbour, and I needed him to not sink down below. 

"Y-yes, Gavin?"

"You're a good man, you know." Even though, at the time, I didn't know he was lying to me, he was, just to be some kind of nice. 

"Do you mean that?" There was hope in my soul, just something that maybe, he cared the same way I did. 

"What? No, I just tell all of my employees that. What you think I'm an honest man? Christ Jared, you know we've run faulty deals here for years. YEARS." Gavin Belson rolled his eyes and waved me off, breaking my heart.

And somehow, for the first time.. I felt real heartbreak. 


	3. Drowning, Drowning, Drowning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like how this is going so far! This is my first real silicon valley fic after binging the show last month =). Happy Reading!

"You're.. what?!" Monica choked and shot wide eyes at me, while I panicked around my office. 

"Maybe gay.. or bisexual, or pan, or?? I DON'T KNOW!" I felt tears forming, because I truly was never ready to admit this.

"Are.. you s-sure?" Monica fell to the couch, and pulled out a cigarette. 

"Yes. I think I'm something, just not straight.." I take a seat and stare down at the desk, the one piece of paper burning into me like an eternal flame.

> _"Gavin, remember our date tonight?- Jared <3_

* * *

College. 2007

Bighead was the only friend I had in college, really. Sure, he was just a chill guy that went along with anything, but why did I always get so happy to be around him?

"Hey, uh- Richard? Everything okay? I saw you kind of zoned a bit." Bighead always looked at me with this full look in his eyes, like I somehow meant everything to him.

"Y-yeah.. don't worry. Say, Bighead. You look nice today." I let the words slip out so easily, but I was starting to admire him more and more.

"Oh! Uh, heh, thanks Richard. I look like this everyday, though." Bighead smiled awkwardly as I felt tensions building inside of me.

I was young and foolish, so, so terribly foolish.

I got off the chair where I sat and walked over to Bighead, bending down and letting myself devour him, kissing him passionately, and for some reason, he kissed back. 

We let go and stood there in stunned silence.

"I.." I tried to start off, not sure whether to apologize or say I secretly enjoyed it. 

"Uhm.. Look dude, I think I gotta go for a bit- I'll.. catch you later." He awkwardly grabbed his things and shuffled away.

I felt like such a fucking loser. 

* * *

"So in college you.. experimented? Okay, but so did I. I wasn't innocent you know, women came through every once in awhile." Monica stared straight at me, like she was trying to figure me out.

"Hmm.. But, the feeling stayed there for months, everytime he found a girlfriend I felt myself falling, like I was standing on a glass tower, and I fell through a floor every single time." I bite my lip, as Dinesh appears in the doorway once again. 

"Knock knock... Richard? I just got off the phone with Jared, he was erm.. throwing up. Maybe we should go check on him?" Dinesh rubbed the back of his neck as Monica death stared him and he motioned sorry. 

"Hm. Yeah, maybe I should." I said, as I jolted myself up and grabbed my things. 

" _You?_ No, no DEFINITELY not alone Richard what are you thinking?!" Monica tried desperately to reassure me, while I was determined to talk to him, or even maybe just _try._

> _Try. Try to figure out how much you really loved Jared Fucking Dunn._

* * *

Richard had come to the house, I saw his car outside. But I just felt like vomiting again. I didn't want to speak to him, now that he knows. 

_Knows that I cared so much for someone who could barely even stand me after the third month._

{ _Knock, knock, knock.}_

And it repeated.

Knock,

knock,

knock.

Soft knocks, six exactly, for some odd reason.

"Jared?.. Hello? Please let me in, I just want to talk." Richard spoke so softly it entangled me and threw me into a magical spell, that was impossible to get out of. 

I wanted to reach out to him so bad, just hold him forever and cry, cry rivers into him, because Richard Hendricks was my safe harbour, and I didn't want to attach myself. 

> _I don't want you to be my new Gavin Belson._

Richard opened the door and found me slumped on the bathroom floor, tear-stained face. He threw his bag down and immediately hugged me.

His hugs felt like the safest sounds, images, feelings, all at once. His hugs stopped the waves, from drowning me. 

Because, Richard Hendricks was my safety, my angel in disguise. I wanted him to be _mine_. _Mine, mine, mine._

_"Jared? Let's talk."_


	4. Take Me To Church.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was listening to Take Me To Church and I thought of Jared, since I'm pretty sure he's Christian, but if not just pretend he is. Happy Reading!

_"Jared, let's talk."_

I let go of Jared, as I watch him stare at me, and look at every feature. Sure, I would _really_ like to kiss him right now, but.. we have to go over things. 

"Sure, I assume it's about my past with Ga-" I cut Jared off abruptly, I'm not sure if I really _do_ want to hear about that. How someone caressed him before I.. damn.

"Well yes.. and no. Look Jared, it- it's fine that you had a past with Gavin, I just need to know. Do you still have feelings for him?" My heart is racing so fast, I mean sure I've hugged Jared many times before, but something about this... how close we were, just felt so, so fucking _intimate._

"Oh, Richard. I haven't loved Gavin in years! I dropped those feelings that night I-" Jared stopped, mid sentence. He usually doesn't do this.

"That night you..?" I stare intensely at him, his pupils dilate. 

> _His fucking pupils dilated!_

"Richard, I haven't been completely honest with you." Jared sighed, and looked down at the floor. I felt the whole world crumble, like it was just the two of us on the edge of a cliff. 

"Well, you know how I'm a Christian, right?"

"Yeah.. kind of." Uh oh, is Jared actually straight? 

"Well, I know I was an orphan, but- as a kid I tried to make it to church, sometimes and- and- they.. they used to tell us being gay was this sort of "bad" thing. So, I thought I would never be gay but here I am, sat on the floor, feeling gay as ever. And- and, I should thank you, Richard. Without you, I would have never found myself. I feel happy when I'm around you Richard I think I-"

Jared was about to tell me he loved me, but I didn't want to hear it- I don't know what I wanted to hear.

So, instead of saying anything, I threw up.

Right into the bathtub, not on Jared thankfully.

"O-OH?! Richard a-are you okay?!"

"Jared, I'm gay."

* * *

Richard just told me he's gay, as I was about to man up and admit my love?!

I separated myself from him, my love had grown too strong, but.. I need him. I need Richard to love me.

"Richard, I love you."

"You.. love me?" Richard's eyes widen.

"Yes, I do. Every part of me loves you, I just- look. When I left to help Gwart, I just- the issue was, I loved you so much. It was _too_ much for me. It overpowered me and I was just driven by my love for you, but did you love me? I don't know. I still don't know. You could be holding in a huge rejection right now, and I would accept it. I just want to treat you right Richard. I want to lo-"

And then he kissed me.

I'm pretty sure he ate a mint while I was rambling, he tastes like mint and also everything beautiful in the world. It feels like I'm swimming in Richard, our kisses pushing harder and harder. He stops for just a moment, to stare at me, as I stare back, dazed and lost in him. He giggles and goes back to kissing me, as I let him lay me down on the floor and just kiss me for the years worth of love we've held. 

Of course, we weren't going to have intercourse- that's not us. But, we were interrupted by a knock.

"Hello? Some of us have to _use_ the bathroom, you know?" It was Jin Yang. Richard and I giggle to each other like foolish schoolchildren as we collect ourselves and head out.

Jin Yang gives us weird looks as we smile to each other and walk out of the house. 

I watch as Richard carefully gets into his car, and I smile as he rolls down his window for me.

"I'll be seeing you at Pied Piper tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow." He leans in and I kiss him. Even if it's a light kiss, it still makes me feel like I'm on top of the world.

"Call me, Jared. I miss you already." 

Richard laughs and drives off, and I missed him already, too.


	5. Late Night Phone Calls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! thank you all for 50+ reads! wooo~ i like having anonymity as a writer, but I do have some social medias! if this story eventually reaches 100 reads, i will drop my twitter. I'm hoping for this fic to have around 6-8 chapters max. Hope that suffices. Happy reading!

Richard and I have called every night, for the past week or so. Ever since we were in that bathroom together, I've felt on top of the world. He always makes me feel so safe, and secure. 

-

"Hm.. Jared?" I could hear him say through the phone, I was staring at the ceiling of my condo, thinking to myself of what he looked liked right now. _Was he smiling like a dork?_

"Yes, Richard?" I let out a sigh. 

"I love your voice. I-I know we've been speaking every night, but there's something about your voice.. it.. it soothes me." I felt my heart beat faster, as I was taking it all in.

_I'm soothing?_

"R-really? Do you think so.. that uh, means a lot to me Richard." I hold my breath, everyday is a new adventure with Richard. 

"Yeah. Jared.. everything about you is just so _fascinating._ You are fucking incredible. I mean that with every part of me- you're just, I- I love every goddamn thing about you." 

I was speechless, I felt the whole room spinning around me. I didn't know Richard loved me that much, cared that much. 

"Richard.. when we met, I knew that you would mean a lot to me. There's something special about you, you know? Like, whenever you walk into a room you light it up! Heh.. uh- just know, Richard.. you're special to me, if not anyone else, to _me._ " I let out a sigh of relief, of course i had more to say- I've bottled up how deeply I've thought of Richard for years, and now I can slowly let it all out, piece by piece. Like I'm letting him build a mental "puzzle" of my mind. 

"I- Uh.. T-thank you, Jared. That's kind of you, truly.." Richard yawned and I didn't realize the time had passed us by.

"O-oh?! It's almost 2:00 Richard.. I think you and I should both sleep.. don't you think?" My heart broke a little, I would risk sleep for him, but- we both are adults with jobs and responsibilities. 

"Hm.. Yeah. I like listening to your voice, Jared. Maybe you should stop by sometime.. haha. Goodnight, Jared."

"Night, Richard. See you tomorrow."

And with that, we hung up, and I felt my love just growing and growing. 


End file.
